Finding My True Identity

My name is Ivan Dimitrov. I was adopted when I was two years old. I was raised by parents that cared very much about my personal development. They were decent people and I consider myself lucky to have been brought into their home. One of my parents passed away recently which broke my heart. Yet I know their love still surrounds me.

Growing up, I always had questions. Who were my biological parents? What kind of people were they? And most of all, who am I? My adopted parents are ethnically Bulgarian. I, however, look different. I grew up with Bulgarian traditions and customs, but on several occasions people would ask me if I was Roma or Arab. They seemed more interested in my ethnic origin, rather than who I was as a person. In the eyes of many Bulgarians if you have dark skin then you must be Roma. I could not answer their question and I wondered the same thing as well.

When I was thirteen, my parents took me to see my biological mother. She is also ethnically Bulgarian. I asked her about my father’s identity, but she didn’t have an answer for me. He was no longer alive and so I would never be able to ask him myself. But I kept wondering about my identity and kept searching for answers.

I thought I might be able to feel at home with Roma traditions and culture but I still did not identify as Roma. I wanted to discover my identity, but I was afraid of what other Bulgarians would think. This fear drove me—and many people like me—to tell people that I was not Roma; to deny my true identity. Throughout all these years of denial I even developed my own prejudices.

One day while surfing in internet I came across an application for a summer camp called Barvalipe, a 10-day camp in Budapest for Roma to learn about their culture, history, and achievements. I did not know what the word “Barvalipe” meant and frantically started searching the web. I read everything related to the camp and finally decided to apply. I was sure something good would come out of this experience. One day while I was heading home from my studies I received a call from Budapest and found out I had been accepted. I cannot describe how happy I was. It was truly exciting.

The whole experience was amazing. I felt like a survivor—all the time working to achieve my goal. I began to understand what Roma identity really meant. Before I had only understood the stereotypes: filthy, stinky, pickpocketing gypsies. But at Barvalipe I was surrounded by intelligent young Roma. I met so many great people and only wished that they were all living in Bulgaria. I was so excited it felt like a dream come true, and indeed the camp was one of the best experiences of my life. At the end of those 10 days it was extremely difficult to say goodbye to everyone.

It is quite difficult for a person to run away from his destiny. I personally do not complain about what I went through. My experiences made me who I am today. And now I feel that to a big extent I have found myself, and I am so happy. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to attend Barvalipe. I know many other people just like me are also searching for their true identity, something which I have now found.